Friday, June 29, 2007

hot night of dreams .... mooning

[Does this one-liner work at all? I mean to imply three different meanings for that last word. :-D]


Ackworth Born said...

I'm not sure about this really -- the triple entendre is a bit forced especially with the ellipsis.

there's a school of thought [isn't there always] that says things like ellipses don't work in one-line haiku because they create a natural divison.

I suspect this would be more effective in three lines.

conjures a few enticing images!!

Roswila said...

Yes, I agree about the elipsis. However, when I've tried posting just a couple extra blank spaces on these group haiku blogs, they haven't come out ... so I settled on the elipsis. I suppose I could just let it all run together and trust the reader to know where the "break" comes in. Hm ... will think about that.

Actually, although the triple entrendre may seem forced, it isn't. It was the reality of my experience. But if it seems forced, I guess it isn't the reality of the haiku, then. More to ponder.