Saturday, June 2, 2007

telephone call
the weather and I
in meltdown


Alan Summers said...

I like this!

Very distilled, making good use of negative space.

Roswila said...

Thanks, Alan. Do I understand your use of the term "negative space" correctly? In that it's effective because of what's not stated?

Alan Summers said...

Hi Roswila,

It's partly that, and the fact you haven't flooded/swamped the haiku with detail.

As you know, there's a fine balance between putting too much in and leaving too much out, including the natural flow of language! ;-)

In my opinion, this is a haiku worth considering for your collection, or an anthology.

It's very succinct, and although minimalist, it doesn't come across as that because it has a 'normal' language feel to it, and will be an excellent haiku for readings too! ;-)

Roswila said...

Thank you again, Alan. Your original comment set me off googling about "negative space," where I read some interesting stuff about it in visual art.

I completely agree about that delicate balance between too little or too much, both in the words chosen and the content. That's why I ultimately gave up calling my haiku on dreams, haiku. I'm now calling them "dreamku: a new haiku inspired form." The way I want and need to work with dreams most of the time demands a "muchness" that is not fully in the haiku spirit. Not to mention that my on-going struggle with writing regular haiku is a tendency to "stuff" them. LOL!

Reihaisha said...

I had on of those days recently....