Thursday, June 28, 2007

trees overhang -
the stream changes
from bubbling light to gloomy


Alan Summers said...

Hi John,

I really like this.

Have you considered moving the longer line up to become the middle line?

It's a slight case of inversion, but it creates a pivot line, and trees do interact with the light and dark of a stream anyway.

trees overhang
from bubbling light to gloomy
the stream changes

Either way it's very Kurt Jackson!


Roswila said...

Me, too, really like this, that is.

I also like Alan's idea to consider that line switch. In any case, I can see/feel this scene so clearly. Thanks!

Alan Summers said...

It's very painterly isn't it?

I do enjoy this kind of haiku, and look forward to more from John like this, and his other haiku as well of course! ;-)

John McDonald said...

thanks alan and roswila, thanks for pointing me to kurt's work - terrific