Saturday, June 2, 2007

telephone call
the weather and I
in meltdown
Posted by at

5 comments:

Area 17 said...

I like this!

Very distilled, making good use of negative space.

June 3, 2007 at 4:04 AM
Roswila said...

Thanks, Alan. Do I understand your use of the term "negative space" correctly? In that it's effective because of what's not stated?

June 3, 2007 at 11:43 AM
Area 17 said...

Hi Roswila,

It's partly that, and the fact you haven't flooded/swamped the haiku with detail.

As you know, there's a fine balance between putting too much in and leaving too much out, including the natural flow of language! ;-)

In my opinion, this is a haiku worth considering for your collection, or an anthology.

It's very succinct, and although minimalist, it doesn't come across as that because it has a 'normal' language feel to it, and will be an excellent haiku for readings too! ;-)

June 4, 2007 at 4:14 AM
Roswila said...

Thank you again, Alan. Your original comment set me off googling about "negative space," where I read some interesting stuff about it in visual art.

I completely agree about that delicate balance between too little or too much, both in the words chosen and the content. That's why I ultimately gave up calling my haiku on dreams, haiku. I'm now calling them "dreamku: a new haiku inspired form." The way I want and need to work with dreams most of the time demands a "muchness" that is not fully in the haiku spirit. Not to mention that my on-going struggle with writing regular haiku is a tendency to "stuff" them. LOL!

June 4, 2007 at 10:54 AM
Reihaisha said...

I had on of those days recently....

June 4, 2007 at 3:47 PM

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